A goodbye kiss...

The staff meeting had come to an end. The school principal, En.Osman started to stand up and jostled the table, spilling his coffee over his notes. "How embarrassing.
I am getting so clumsy in my old age."

Everyone had a good laugh, and soon we were all telling stories of our most embarrassing moments. It came around to Ahmad who sat quietly listening to the others. Someone said, "Come on, Ahmad. Tell us your most embarrassing moment."

Ahmad laughed and began to tell us of his childhood. "I grew up in Pantai Kundor. My father was a fisherman and he loved the sea. He had his own boat, but it was difficult making a living off the sea. He worked hard and would stay out until he caught enough to feed the family. Not just enough for our family, but also for his mom and dad and his other siblings who still a home."

He looked at us and said," When the weather was bad he would drive me to school. He had this old truck that he used in fishing business. As he drove towards the school, I would shrink down into the seat hoping to disappear. That truck was older than he was. It would wheeze and rattle down the road. You could hear it coming for blocks. Half the time, he would slam to a stop and the old truck would belch a cloud of smoke. He would pull right up in front of my school and it seemed like everybody would standing around and watching.

Ahmad's voice dropped a bit. "I wish you could have met my father. He was a big man, and he was strong from pulling he nets and fighting the seas for his catch. When you got close to him, he smelled like ocean. He would wear his old canvas, foul-weather coat and his dirty overalls. His rain hat would be pulled down over his brow. No matter how much my mother washed them, they would still smell of the sea and of fish."

"Upon reaching school, he would lean over and give me a big kiss on the cheek and tell me to be a good boy.” Ahmad continued. “It was indeed very embarrassing for me. Here, I was twelve years old, and my father would lean over and kiss me goodbye!”

He paused and then went on, “I remember the day I decided I was too old for a goodbye kiss. When we got to school and came to a stop, he had his usual big smile. He started to lean toward me, but I put my hand up and said,

‘No,Dad.’

It was the first time I had ever talked to him that way, and he had this surprised look on his face.”

I told him, “Dad, I’m too old for a goodbye kiss. I’m too old for any kind of kiss.”
“My father looked at me for longest time, and his eyes started to tear up. I had never seen him cry. He turned and looked out the windshield. You’re right” he said. “You are a big boy…. a man. I won’t kiss you anymore.”

Ahmad had a funny look on his face, and then all of a sudden tears began to well up in his eyes as he spoke.” That was the last time my father sent me to school. It wasn’t long after that when my dad went to sea and never came back. It was a day when most of the fishermen stayed out, but not dad. He had a big family to feed. They found his boat adrift with its nets half in and half out. He must have faced a gale and was trying to save the nets and the floats.”

I looked at Ahmad and saw that tears were running down his cheeks. Ahmad spoke again.

“My dear friends, you don’t know what I would give to have my dad, give me just one more kiss on cheek…. to feel his arm around my neck. I wish I had been a man then. If I had been a man, I would never have told my dad I was too old for a goodbye kiss.”